Whiskey Lullaby
by vintagecowgirl101
Summary: After the war, Lewis Nixon is left to wallow in the agonizing memories of the young woman he loves... Esther Talbert. Elongated epilogue for 'The Heart of a Soldier'. R&R!
1. The Desire of Death

**Nixon and Essie after the war… :/ Writing this for all of you that where on team Nix!**

**~WHISKEY LULLABY~**

"_She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette  
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget  
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind  
Until the night  
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away her memory"_

Whiskey Lullaby, Brad Paisley

Chapter One: The Desire of Death

The dark kitchen was lined with empty green bottles of the famed Scottish whiskey. Overdue bills piled up along the counters, a smoldering cigarette trembling between the broken man's fingers. Lewis's eyes were glazed over as he ghostly gazed at an old photograph.

His arm was around her waist, her arm around his shoulders. The year was 1943, back in Camp Toccoa, Georgia. Ropes from the neighboring tents framed their lively and beaming faces. The short and beautiful girl was laughing with her big white smile, clearly amused at a joke a man of Easy Company was pulling. Their Camp Toccoa PT shirts were practically shining with the bright sunshine that blanketed that training camp that was once hated, but was now missed. Nixon had his dark eyebrows raised, a white Lucky Strike pinched in his cheery smile. He wasn't smiling for the camera… he was smiling for her.

He took another swig from the heavy crystal shot glass, the burning liquor searing his raw throat. The sporadic fits of screaming and sobbing had worn his soul bloody and raw. His eyes fixed on hers, the small hazel ones that had drove him crazy were now black dots. Her arched eyebrows laughed, her round ruby lips practically beckoning him. He took yet another drink.

Lewis was tempted to pitch the frame to the ground. Maybe, it would break away her painful memory. The whiskey wasn't working anymore. More unbearable memories flooded his throbbing head. _I should have swept her away that night I gave her her wings. I should have told her I loved her that night in Holland. I should have held her tighter every chance I got. I shouldn't have let her slip away. _

Fingerprints laced her face blanketed by the thin glass. It reminded him of that night the only thing he knew to do was feel her face. As if he was blind, he wanted to read those half-closed eyes like brail, capture the softness of her lips, the ruggedly beautiful grime on her tear stained cheeks. Lewis Nixon wanted nothing else but to caress her fine features for one last time. It was his dying wish.

Esther fell for Floyd Talbert, and kept running back to him… no matter how many times he hurt her. Nix held her more than once, every vein in his body coursing a beg for her to stay. Essie would go back to him.

He went to their wedding. He went for her, as he knew it would hurt her if he wasn't present. At that moment as he sat quietly in the small church pew, envy flooded his emotions. _I should be there. I should be giving her that ring. I should be saying 'I do'… because I will._

He remembered his lips twitching when his best friend, Dick Winters, asked if anybody opposed the marriage. When George Luz warned, Lew was forced to swallow his pride. Though he was jealous and hateful towards Talbert, Nixon still wanted the best for Essie. Inside, his heart begged for him to have her. It knew she would be happier with him. But her's just wouldn't cooperate.

Pulling out of yet another agonizing trance, Nixon touched his shivering hand to his cheek. It was still warm. It was dotted with chilly lines of tears, though. _Damn. I'm still alive_.

Esther had written him before, offering him her undivided friendship. She wrote in her elegant script writing of her beautiful children. The ones he wished he could have given her. She spoke of the simple farmhouse she lived in with Tab, and how happy she was. At the closing, she would quietly and nearly whisper the thought of visiting him one day. It was a pleasant thought of seeing her, but Lewis knew it was as impossible as gaining her love and desires. Her life was now fulfilled.

The last few golden drops seeped from the green glass moth, pooling in the deepest area of his glass. Sniffling, he slammed the empty bottle to the warp kitchen table. _I want to be dead_. He wound the red string in his yellowing teeth, pulling the wax from the lid. The contact of the glass 'clinked' as he poured another vicious shot.

"Gory… gory… what a hell of a way to die…" he slurred, toasting in the air to nobody in particular. He subconsciously placed his shaking hand on his abdomen, his stomach protesting loudly as he downed another gulp. He ribs protruded profusely, his spine sticking from his skin like a mountain range. Her memory burned him further, feeling hot tears boil in his eyes.

Nixon ran his thin hand along his pale and sweaty face, pushing back his mangy, greasy black hair. He would have taken a shower, but the water lines had been shut off to rickety house.

Easy Company had given up on him. His parents and friends at Nixon Nitration Works had had enough of his grieving. Richard Winters though, would _never _give up on him. They had been through too much for that. He would visit every Friday after work, offering a meager amount of groceries. Just enough to keep him alive… much to Nixon's dismay.

Gritting his teeth, he shoved the cork back into the lip. He caressed it in the nook of his arm, pulling himself up. His head throbbed as it severely scolded him. Tripping and stumbling over dirty clothes, garbage and empty whiskey bottles, he finally made his way into the musky bed.

Lew moaned and groaned, drawing his aching knees up to his boney chest. He nestled deeper into the stiff and incredibly uncomfortable bed springs. With a cough, he let out one last desperate sob. Burying his head into the dusty pillow, stained with his sweat, Lewis mumbled one last beg for the night.

"Please… _please_. Bring her back to me…" he sobbed, drawing the cold bottle to his lips. "I'd rather die." His pleading voice broke the ghostly silence. He fell into a restless sleep, flipping and flopping with each burning thought of her making love to Floyd. Her lips on his, her fingers laced behind his neck… their skin touching.

Awakened by the cool moon, his zinging fingers searched for her body at his side. The queen sized bed was empty, as his soul was gone. At last, he picked up the picture frame resting at his bed stand. He brought the night air chilled glass to his parched lips, another tear meeting with the glass. Fighting the urge to give in and pull his sidearm from the rattling drawer, he instead discovered a weathered letter.

His seemingly beyond repair- broken heart thumped back to life. The yellow page was from Esther. At the bottom was signed with her elegant name 'Esther Lou Talbert'… and her seven digit telephone number. "Call me if you want you talk, Nix."

After passing hours off contemplating, the orange sun peeked over the horizon of New Jersey. Swallowing down a rancid mouthful of agony, he jammed a trembling finger into the hole of the black Rotary phone. First he dialed her Iowa area code, and then had spun the ring around with pure memorization.

It rung five times and a ping of disappointment washed through him.

"Hello? Talbert residence…" her now mature but familiar voice sweetly sang through, making his heart thump ferociously.

His lips quivered, only able to make inaudible croaks.

"Hello? Who is calling?" His body locked up with her words. Lewis wanted to _own _that voice.

**This won't be a long story- kind of an elongated epilogue I guess you could say!**

**Thank you for any feedback you have to offer, and I hope you enjoyed this **_wondertogonder___**'cuz I'm writing it for you! ;)**


	2. Poison

**Wow, got a great/heartbreaking response to the first chapter! :)**

**I listen to country music, so some songs inspired this story. I'm not usually into lyrics at the beginning of a chapter, but if you read these… they explain exactly what Nix is going through.**

**I expect this story to be about 5 chapters or so….**

**Please enjoy… or please cry- whatever you feel! xD**

"_Ruby lips hid a razor tongue  
And heart, blue as glacier ice  
I was warned, but I was willing  
To ignore everybody's advice  
The more I gave, the more she took  
She walked away without a second look_

_Pick your poison…"_

'_Poison' by George Strait_

Chapter Two: Poison

"Hello! Who is calling?" Essie rolled her eyes, the stranger panting into the phone line. She figured it was some High Schooler, pulling a ridiculous prank.

More gasps for air, the voice was struggling for words. Her heart's beat sped up; beginning to worry it was somebody begging for help. And in a way, it was.

She tried once more, slight urgency in her voice, "HELLO? Can I help you?"

"Baby? Who is it?" Talbert rubbed his drowsy face, his slippers shuffling across the honey colored floorboards. Essie irritably held up her hand to his face, shushing his mumbles. Floyd shrugged his shoulders, and plopped himself down into his chair at the breakfast table.

Nixon was startled by the tone of her words. Swallowing down a bitter taste boiling in his throat, his slurred words peeked out from his lips. "Esther?"

"Yes… this is she…" she furrowed her brows.

Lewis licked his lips, begging his words to cooperate. "It's uh… it's Lew."

Essie loudly gasped, holding her palm over the small holes in the mouthpiece. She looked back at Tab's bewildered face, and sucked in a breath of air. She had never expected the day to come.

"Nixon?" she held a hand to her chest, trying to calm her pulse. "Why are you calling?"

His heart fluttered, mesmerized by her sweet voice. "I _need _to see you."

She scoffed, hearing Virginia gallop down the staircase, "Uh, no you don't."

"_Please_, come visit. I'll pay the fees… I gotta see you…" she bit her lips, his pathetic begging sinking in.

"Yea… pay the fees with what?" Essie attempted to lighten the tense tone. "You barely had enough to send postage!"

He firmly gripped the dusty pillow at his side, "I'm begging you…" He let out a dry cough making Essie clutch her nightgown.

She guiltily glanced over her shoulder, eyeing Tab as he kissed the top of their first daughter's head. "Yea… yea sure. I'll come visit you and Winters."

Suddenly she clicked the phone to the wall, feeling an uncomfortable rock growing in her throat. Memories of the war flooded her as she held her pregnant stomach. Essie looked over at her beautiful and growing family. It was time to get this Nixon dilemma over with.

"Winters wants to see you?" Talbert questioned as Virginia scuttled to her mother's side.

She sheepishly ran her ringed fingers through her daughter's silky blonde hair, "Uh, yea… small reunion I guess." Her lying had not improved.

He talked with his mouthful of half-chewed toast, "Guess I should go too."

Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, "No… I need to go by myself for this, hun. You watch little 'Gina here." She cupped the small girl's chin, making her giggle.

"What about the baby? Doctor said no traveling."

One hand on her daughter, the other on her growing stomach, she sighed. "You _do_ realize you're arguing with a woman that threw herself out of a perfectly good airplane… right?" She cracked a faint smile. "I'll be fine, babe. It will only be for a day or so."

"Dick still lives in Jersey… right?"

She sucked on her tongue, the weight of the world falling on her, "Yea, he still does."

"You gonna see Nixon too?" Tab looked up at her with his big blue eyes that Virginia shared.

Essie's mood swings kicked in, causing her to throw up her arms, "Jesus _Christ_, Floyd! Got any more questions!? Didn't know I was gonna be interrogated so early in the morning!"

He held his jam covered hands in surrender as she began fleeing up the stairs. Virginia looked back at her father, a puzzled look painted on her face. Talbert motioned her over.

"_Never _have children, baby girl." He whispered into her hair with a smile, "You'll become a three headed monster like your momma!"

Virginia began lightly giggling, snuggling deeper into his inviting chest. She had gotten that habit from her mother.

B.o.B.

The conductor offered his hand out to her, helping the mother up into the train lobby. Talbert groaned as he lifted her luggage up to the compartment.

"What? You got dead German's in here, babe?" Floyd teased, making the conductor freeze.

Essie whipped her head over her shoulder, and stung him with a warning glare. Tab chuckled uncomfortably, "Oh, yea… forgot it's not World War Two anymore! Sorry, hon!"

She was finally content as she sat down into her long seat. Essie lifted the heavy stain glass window, revealing her beautiful and small family standing on the platform. She blew a kiss to her spirited daughter, and gave a loving wink to her beloved husband. Though she had seen so much and suffered, Esther was now a happy young woman with a decent and promising life ahead of her.

Her body jerked forward, her arm hitting the frame of the window as the break was released. Tab lifted Virginia onto his shoulders, and she wrapped her small and delicate arms around his forehead. Though she would be gone for a little amount of time, Essie knew she would miss them.

Taking one last glance, Essie withdrew her arm and settled into her red velvet seat. A wave of nausea swept through her as the food cart rolled down the aisle to her right. This pregnancy was proving to be rough, and the nine months were slowly trudging on. Every time she thought of a new child on her hip, her heart fluttered with contentment. Floyd was a marvelous father that played his part. Life was treating her well, but the painful memories of Lewis Nixon still bothered her.

Essie gently shut her eyes, feeling sick with the tall oaks that sped by as the train gained speed. Choosing instead to reminisce, she thought back to riding the train to North Carolina to further their training. She remembered Liebgott teasing her for sitting next to Tab; when their love was fresh and young.

She was happy the war was over, as it damaged her so much. But, she missed the men of Easy Company gravely. She missed their laughter, their jokes and their constant loyalty and brave hearts. Inside she knew seeing Nixon and Winters would just make her miss them more. As terrible and odd as it sounded… Esther _missed _the war.

B.o.B.

The taxi timer monotonously clicked with each turn of the wheels. Her driver smelled of rancid ketchup and dank laundry. As she fought the dire urge to hold her nose, Essie's heart ached for the peace and quiet of her farmhouse. She hated the city with a deep and fiery passion and nothing about it appealed to her.

The ancient apartment buildings loomed over her, and she began straightening out her A-line sundress. Essie tilted her floppy straw hat to the right just a smidge to shield off the polluted sunlight. Children hopped and skipped over makeshift jump ropes, mobsters with their heads tucked away into their collars. Clearly, this was the not-so-great part of town… and Lewis lived here.

"This it, sweet cheeks?" the grimy driver's big lips snapped as he questioned.

Essie dramatically rolled her eyes, "Yea… this is it." She checked once more by looking at the address scribbled on the back of her hand. Fishing around the small pocket of her snow white cardigan, she pulled out a wad of ones for each mile the taxi took her.

"Thanks," he thumbed through the bills.

She pulled open the yellow door, the rank smell of the gutter wafting into her nose, "Sure. No problem."

The car sped away, its bald tires kicking up empty cartons of cigarettes. After the cloud of dust left her, Essie adjusted the thick white belt that accentuated her small frame. She gulped as her eyes followed the dramatic green vines that danced and twirled around the gray and crumbling bricks.

Gathering up any remaining courage the city life hadn't drained from her, she took her first step up to his apartment. Kids eyed her as her small white heels clomped down the hallway. She felt uneasy and began wringing her sweating hands together. His letters had instructed her that he lived upstairs, so she let memory lead her around the dark and frightening building.

"Ah, here it is…" she looked down at her hand, lighting tapping the number plastered to the wall.

Essie swallowed hard as she balled her hand into a fist. Slowly and hesitantly, she brought her knuckled to the dark wood three times.

No response.

She tried again, this time knocking five times. After waiting patiently, it evolved into utter frustration. _Why the hell would he beg me to come, and not even be here!?_

"Lew… I _know _you're in there! Open up!" She stood on her toes to bring her wandering eyes to the small glass ring in the middle of the door. After standing there for nearly ten minutes, Essie refused to give up. She sat down in the hallway with her legs crisscrossed. She spun her ring around her thin finger, admiring the small green stone.

The loose door knob finally rattled to life, making her heart race. Essie jumped to her feet, her hazel eyes hastily searching for Nixon. The joints of the hinges squeaked and eerie sound, making her want to scuttle home. Essie now began preparing herself to say, "Sorry, wrong house."

A dark and scrawny figure appeared leaning heavily against the door from within. Slowly she inched forward, fear coursing through her veins.

"Esther…" a familiar slurred voice breathed.

His arms hung awkwardly at his sides, so filled with happiness he wasn't able to move. Essie had thrown her arms around his neck with pure joy and mystification.

"Lew!" she laughed into his neck, so happy to see her dearly missed friend. Finally he wrapped his arms around her small waist.

Tighter and tighter he squeezed, seeming to want to take her heart and pump it next to his. "You came…" he whispered into her hair, making her skin shiver. His touch was so different and confusing in comparison to Tab's calm feel.

**Kind of a cliffy, but not really…**

**Next: a long conversation… ;)**

**Thank you for any feedback you have to offer me!**


	3. Memories

**Warning: some emotional stuff is about to unfold…**

**Ye be warned… ;)**

**It's also **_**kinda **_**graphic… so ye be warned about that too! :p**

_"I don't know when or where it was or how we met and fell in love  
Or why she'd even fall for a guy like me  
I tried to pull myself together, hopin' we could last forever  
For a while I started to believe_

_But that's just too much to ask of a drinkin' man."_

Drinkin' Man- George Strait

Chapter Three: Memories

With fingers tightly wrapped around her honey colored curls, Lew squeezed his eyes shut. Quietly he buried his nose into her neck, taking in the calming scent of wildflowers that hung around her. Essie was happy and free, no longer tied down by the burdens of love. Her body was maturing, motherly love evolving her to a ruthless soldier into a simple mother.

He gripped her shoulders tighter, feeling her relaxed body tense. He had waited too long to let go. Gently she raised her arms and smoothly pushed him away. The feeling of his cold body against hers made her emotions stir. It brought back painful memories.

When she pulled away, her soft eyes were pierced with his worn and tired dark ones. Uncomfortably, Essie looked down. She gently took his fingertips, feeling his pulse beat in time with hers. Her other thin hand held her growing child, and she smiled weakly up at her comrade. His face was frightening as it was covered in shadows and pain.

The happiness brought by her arrival blanketed the stench that hung heavily in the stale air. With Nixon's eyes still watching her carefully, Essie looked around his apartment. The wholly curtains were pulled, the young sunlight peeping through the holes made by Lew's frustration. At nightfall he would cry into the fabric's fold, wishing it was Esther's hair he was clutching. The frustration of never holding her like he desired to do.

Lew looked down at her, desire to embrace her again burning in his deep eyes. "Another one on the way?" His dry and broken voice croaked. Essie's heart quivered; it hurt her to see him like this.

Essie placed bother hands on the growing bump, smiling small, "Yea… I'll have my hands full." Her hazel eyes swooped up to meet his, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Regret swept through the small space through them. Lew wished she was telling Tab this, speaking fondly of their child. Essie felt the awkward silence, and let her eyes dash around his living space. Empty liquor bottles were haphazardly tossed on every available counter space. Loose papers fluttered with the breeze that smuggled its way in through the cracked window.

"So… this is it?" she gracefully left him, his eyes admiring her every footfall.

Lew cleared his throat as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, "This is it… cozy ain't it?" His voice still echoed sarcasm.

Esther continued to pace around, desperately searching for the proper words. How do you tell a man that adores you, that you will _never _feel the same for him? To Essie, it was an impossible task.

She heard a wooden chair wobble as it was pulled. Nixon heavily sat down, ripping open another Vat69 bottle with his teeth. "Want some?" He held the green hues of danger up in offering.

Gesturing towards her infant the corners of her lips curved, "Nah, I quit all that…"

He shrugged his shoulders, slamming back his head to gulp down the fiery liquid. Essie walked over to the rickety table, slowly pulled back the last empty chair. As she sat down, a grimace lined her face. The baby was due any day now, and her body painfully reminded her with every sudden movement.

"I think you should quit too, Nix."

He raised his eyebrows, whiplashed with her heavenly voice. "What? This?"

Essie silently nodded in response.

Lew leaned heavily on his elbows, resting them on his knees. He looked up at her through his dark eyebrows, "I guess you're right. I don't need it anymore… you're here now."

She balled up a handful of floral dress fabric. "Is that why you do it? The drinking, I mean."

"Baby, can you sit through the tears?" His voice croaked as he leaned against the splintery back of the chair. Essie bit down on her lip, begging the sudden quivering to stop. _I have broken this man_.

"I wish you'd stop… it's not good for you, Nix."

He scoffed, "Do that again."

"Do what?" Essie swallowed down hard.

"Call me Nix. I love that." He slammed down another gulp of the vicious liquid. "Does Floyd know you're here? I'm sure he's not happy about it if he doe-"

"Don't _even _go there, Lew!" Essie held up a trembling finger, her heart being painfully torn.

He leaned forward; resting his pale hand on her sun kissed one. Essie let out a small gasp, slightly startled by his cold touch. "Esther… you know you love me. "She opened her mouth to protest but he continued, "Listen to yourself! You call me Nix and Lew like its second nature!"

"I didn't travel all this way to be scolded like a child, _Nixon_!" She spat out his proper name.

He rest his other hand on hers, loosening the tight grip she had on her dress. "I've missed you and that fight of yours…" Nixon's eyes swelled, forcing Essie to bite down on her scared lip once more.

She defensively tore her hands away from his mesmerizing hold. The sharp movement sent a wave of pain to wash through her body where the baby was. With an arm holding on tightly to the bump, she let out a wail of agony.

"What's wrong!?" Lewis practically shouted, springing to his feet. His eyes looked down at her, his thick and un-groomed eyebrows deeply furrowed with concern.

Running the back of her hand against her hot forehead, she weakly nodded, "I'm fine… Sit back down. Really, I'm fine." The pain still dully banged against her lower abdomen.

Wanting desperately to hear her voice, no matter what is was saying, Lew spoke, "How is Tab? Little Virginia?"

"Virginia," Esther's face cracked in half with the mention of her spirited daughter. "Floyd says she takes after me… feisty and full of fire. She has her father's big blue eyes, though. I guess you could say she just loves life. She has an appreciation for everything around her, despite her age." Essie looked down and her lap, "I've been gone for two days, and I already miss her…"

Lew shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "I'd like to meet her sometime."

"That's funny," Essie gently looked up at him through her lashes. "She wants to meet you too, Lew."

Nixon's heart jumped and fluttered. _She still thinks about me_. He swallowed down the fierce impact of love that thumped against his chest. Essie continued to talk about her beautiful daughter that was the center of her pride and joy. Lew carefully watched her, taking a mental photograph of her every detail. Her red lips still laughed, her square eyebrows softly lining her sharp features. Essie wound her fingers in her honey curls as her small eyes looked mindlessly at the ceiling. She was so beautiful, and she didn't even try.

"Floyd is… Floyd. Despite what you think, he loves me. He cares for me, Lew."

A searing fire kindled in his heart, and Nix took her hands. Nixon led her over to the foot of the bed. Essie let out a small gasp in protest, but Lew's unique scent overthrew her rationality.

He delicately rests his forehead against her, looking intensely into her eyes, "What about me? I love you, too…"

At this overwhelming moment, Essie could swear she saw tears in the grown man's eyes. Her heart sank as he took her by her waist. She couldn't bear to say anything. This man loved her and there was no denying it. He had rotted away, trying to take his own life multiple times. Waiting in this dank apartment, begging the heaven's for the one thing he _needed_. The one thing he needed more than food and water, even more than the alcohol that his addiction called for. Lewis Nixon _needed _Esther's love… but it was something he could never have.

As his sweet and familiar breath collided with her soft skin, Essie held her hands up to his pounding chest. His eyes fluttered shut, silently begging her to not let the cherished moment end.

"Lew… no…" She pushed away, expecting him to give up and pull away. Instead he pushed up tighter against her, cupping his rough hands around her face.

"_Please_…" he begged, the weakness in his voice making her soul cry out. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around her neck, beginning to sob into her hair. "I _love _you…" With every sharp gasp for air that met her neck, Essie fell deeper into despair. She could tell this wasn't the first time he had cried for her.

His normally deep voice cracked as he pleaded for her love; beseeching for her heart. Essie just stood there, supporting his weak body. Not knowing what to do, she let him cry and sob. Her curls were pulled straight with the weight of his salty tears soaking them.

"I-I-I'd rather die than go another day without you… I need you, Essie. I need everything about you. I need your face next to mine in the morning, I need your skin pressed up against mine, I need that glowing smile, a-and I need to hold _our _children. I think about you every minute of every day of every year."

As she listened to him vent, Essie was fighting back her own tears. Slowly she nodded, cringing with every desire he openly spoke of.

"WHY? Why can't you give that to me!?" He shouted into her neck, sending a shiver to slink down her back. "Why? Why? WHY!? Why is he better than me? What did he do that I didn't? Why does he get to live in peace? WHY does he get to hold you through the night? WHY ESSIE?!"

Listening to him became too much, and she erupted into her own wails, "I'm sorry! I'm _so _sorry!" She collapsed into his chest, gripping his stained white collar tightly. "I'm sorry, Lew!" She gasped, the sobbing cutting off oxygen to her brain. "I don't- I don't know why!"

He held her tighter, as they grieved together. Essie was grieving for her lack of answers, as was Nixon. "I wanted that to be me… standing before you in that little white church. I would have spoken up, but as Luz warned I knew all was lost. I know you love him, Essie." He hastily pulled his arms away from hers, pacing towards his bed stand. "I just will never believe you do."

Lewis wrapped his trembling hands around a bottle, only to discover it was empty. Essie watched him, horror engulfing her small tear stained face.

"The whiskey doesn't work anymore, Essie. Sleeping doesn't get rid of this pain. Your letters make it worse… and me writing you one everyday doesn't help. I _scream_, I _cry_. Still, I don't hold your heart in my hands. Therefore, I don't have a reason to live…" He pulled open the drawer, revealing his fingers intertwined with a black pistol.

"LEW!" She shrieked, running towards him as he slowly lifted the weapon to his swollen face. Forcefully, she tried to pull his hand away.

He looked down at her face, "What is my reason to live? If I'm not good enough for you, I'm not good enough to live. If I can't have you…" he choked on his bitter words.

"Nix! Stop- don't do it!" Essie pleaded, trying to steal the handgun from his hold.

He foully looked down at her screaming face, "Ha! Now look who's begging!" The safety sickeningly clicked off. "I've begged for you, yet you still deny me. Why should this be any different?"

"OW!" Esther shrieked with a pain so intense it knocked her off her feet. She landed on the bed behind her, clenching the bedspread beneath her. Lewis tossed the pistol onto the dusty pillows at her right side, reaching down to help her. "The baby! It's-"she screamed, bending back her sweating face. "It's coming!"

"Oh my god! What should I do?" Nixon ran his fingers through his thick hair, pulling his eyes from the water that poured from beneath her dress.

She let out another wail of pain mixed with frustration, "Jesus Christ! You go through a war, but don't know what to do!?" He raised his hands in surrender, in so much shock he couldn't even comprehend what was happening. "HELP ME, GODDAMN IT!"

Nixon's eyes rolled in the back of his head as he lifted her dress up past her knees. His already pale face slipped into a ghostly white sheet. "Oh- my- God!" Essie bellowed, digging her fingernails into the thick mattress. Not thinking twice, she spread her legs to Nixon's wide eyes.

With the gruesome sight, Lewis fainted and hit the floor with a heavy 'thud'. "Gee, thanks for the help, Lew!" Essie teased through clenched teeth, arching her back with the pain rippling through.

**Oh, no! What will happen? **

**Hehe! :p**

**Feedback, please! :)**


	4. Carried Away

**I sincerely apologize for my lack of updating. **

**By the way- I've never witnessed or experienced childbirth (thank God) so, this is just how I **_**imagine **_**it. **

"_There's water in your eyes and I know I'm the reason that it's there,  
But still I don't feel bad because I know it's you are more a spare.  
And just behind your eyes are switches that can turn back on,  
To clear away today 'til all your memories are gone."_

Chapter Four: Carried Away

She belted out another cry for help, a piercing scream that curdled the blood of the fiercest warrior. Nobody came. They pretended it wasn't there. Her cried rang out through the dark apartment building, now begging for help. Essie dug her fingers into the mattress, making her knuckles sink white. The pain was worse than the sharp points of flying shrapnel, stronger than the sting of a hot bullet.

Nixon wrapped his shaking hands around the cold steel bedpost, his bloodshot eyes bolting open with her screams. His mind was still blank, uncertain why there was a screaming woman in his bed and why she was bleeding profusely. When he looked up, he saw her square dark eyebrows furrowed and sweat sprinting down her cheeks. With her eyes pinched shut and head arched back; Esther didn't even notice the tall man observing this labor of love.

"Y-your hand…" she released her hold on the dusty blanket. "Give m-me your hand, Lew."

Slowly he neared her side, hesitantly grasping her sweaty palm. He still was convinced this was just another one of 'those' dreams. Nixon felt fire burning around his concerned eyes, watching this strong woman wallowing in pain.

"How can I help?" he bent down closer to her ear. "_What do I do?"_

Before she could respond, a fierce wave of exhaustion flooded her and her bright eyes began fluttering shut. He squeezed her hand tighter, running his thumb across the smooth surface of her hand.

"Essie, Essie you need to _push_. I don't know shit about childbirth, but I've seen those movies and the doctor always tells the girl to 'push'…"

A faint smile flickered on her lips, amused by the innocence riddling his words. The constant pain rippled through, and Essie clenched his large hand tighter. Biting her lip, she urged herself to 'push'. With each attempt she would constrict Lew's hand harder, and the tips eventually grew purple.

"LEW!" Esther shrieked as hot tears rolled from her eyes.

His sweet breath collided with her flushed skin, "Shh, you're alright… push, Es." Nixon wasn't concerned whether or not she loved him now, but only the rhythm of her breath. Grimacing, he yanked a checkered handkerchief from his back pocket. Delicately and lovingly, Lew ran the cloth across her hot forehead. She let out a heavy sigh, her body slipping into shock.

_Bang, bang, BANG!_

"Lewis, you in there!? Open up!" A redheaded Eskimo from Reading, Pennsylvania called through the heavy oak door.

Nix stood to leave her side, but she pulled him back down, "Don't let go of me…" She quietly begged.

Worriedly, his dark eyes dashed from her face to the door. "Dick! Get in here!"

The door flew open, the golden doorknob crashing against the neighboring wall. "Who is screaming!?" Winters' blue eyes dashed around the rancid smelling room, searching for his dear friend.

"It's Essie… she's uh…" Lewis couldn't quite comprehend the dire situation. "She's having a baby, Dick."

Richard dashed to the other side of the bed; grasping Essie's other twitching hand. At first he looked her up and down, his usually strong stomach churning with the sight of her blood drenching the bedspread. Pulling his icy eyes away, he found Esther staring at him blankly.

"H-hi, Major Winters…" she gasped as Lewis continued to dab her forehead and neck.

Dick leaned in closer to her, seeing the light flickering away from her eyes, "Hang tough, trooper…" He reassuringly gave her small hand two gentle squeezes.

Esther let out a heavy and relaxed sigh, the calming sound a horse makes when one slides off their saddle. A small and timid cry squeaked through the stale air. Winters and Nixon looked over at her, bewilderment lining their faces. Little did they know, the pain was over and the celebrating could begin.

With a proud smile bright in contrast to their confused faces, Essie sat up and pulled something into her arms. "Get me a blanket." She ordered calmly, smiling down to the bare and damp body pressed against her chest. It whimpered and whined, its small cherry lips snapping as it tasted the first gulp of air.

"I-is that the… the baby?" Winters' surprised voice questioned, shifting on his kneeling knees as Nixon scurried off to his linen closet.

"Yes," she practically giggled with the blooming maternal love flooding her emotions. Nixon then came trotting to the bed once again, with a ragged tan towel in hand. Not taking her eyes from her child with a beating heart, Essie lovingly swaddled the infant in the cloth.

Looking up at her once comrades through her eyelashes, she broke the heavy silence, "It's a girl… Dixie."

Yanking their own eyes from the curious object, they raised their eyebrows in perfect unison. She smirked, "After my little sister… she got me through the war. This little bundle put me through some trouble… its only appropriate."

"Hey," Winters barely elbowed her. "I thought _I _got you through the war!"

She beamed, breathing softly with the silent angel, "You _all_ did."

Essie felt Nixon shifting uncomfortably on his feet; she knew he yearned to be the father of the beautiful babe. "Lew," she held the warm newborn up to his face. "It's a wonderful life; you don't need me to know that."

His eyes grew wide, slowly cupping his calloused hand under Dixie's damp head. She had black curls, clearly inheriting the trait from her father. He gently tucked her body near his chest, the smell of whiskey entering her tiny button nose. She wrinkled the pale delicate skin, waving her fisted hand across her nose. They all chuckled to themselves- including Lewis.

"Aw, I don't like the stench either, baby girl…" It was in that peaceful moment shared with the people he cared for most, that Lewis Nixon knew he would stop drinking. There was no longer a reason to. All it took was the silent plea from a newborn…

**Well… D'AWWW!**

**Happy endings are great! Amiright? :)**

**One more chap, my lovelies!**


	5. Sentimental Journey- Final!

**Sorry this update took forever… I wanted to get it **_**just **_**right. :)**

"_And they were singin' bye-bye, Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry  
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye  
Singin' "This'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die."_

**Chapter Five: Sentimental Journey**

"Calm down, Floyd." Winters smiled into the phone, "She's just fine. We'll send her home. Yes, yes…" Richard held his hand over the mouthpiece and looked over to Essie, "Will you come calm him down, please?"

"Hand it over," Essie laughed, handing over the resting newborn to Nixon who was laying next to them on the bed. Her knees still ached as did her back as she waddled slowly but surely over to the phone.

"Shush, babe. I'll be home soon. Yes, the baby is fine… No! You are not coming over here!" Esther planted a hand on her sore hip, grumbling irritably into the phone. She knew there was no point in arguing with the man as stubborn as her. "What about Ginia? Fine… I'll see you in two. Love you, hun."

Essie looked over her shoulder, glancing at the two exhausted men sitting at the creaky table. They had dark circles hanging ghostly around their lifeless eyes, and Nixon's face was darker than usual. He had quit… and all he did was complain about his headache.

"You two look dreadful… get some rest."

Richard's ears perked up with her voice and disagreed immediately.

"That's an order," Essie warned, gently taking her newborn from Lewis.

"I thought I was the major around here?"

Esther smirked, "But I'm the grumpy mother… shit rolls down hill, Dick. Rest, now."

With the infant taken from his arms, Nix crossed he elbows across the table and instantly began snoring. Grudgingly Winters shuffled over to the guest bedroom, as Nix's bed was still drenched in blood.

A small rocking chair was sitting humbly by the window. A few pegs were missing from the back, but it looked inviting enough. Esther smiled lovingly at her newborn as it cooed into her chest. Her weathered heart throbbed a strong maternal love as she curled her fingers gently through the dark curls on the child's soft head. As she carefully lowered down, Essie pulled back the towel covering Dixie's face. She had Floyd's bright eyes.

Rolling her bare feet from toe to heel, they rocked in time with a memory rich song. She looked up from Dixie and glanced to her dark-haired and now sober friend. He meant so much to her… at times as much as Tab did. She loved him in a different way though, a love like an indecisive switch. Esther _loved _Lewis, but she didn't. Her heart quivered with the thought of how many times she had broken his already demolished heart. As a stone grew in her tight throat it pushed up a lyrical tune:

"Gonna take a sentimental journey, gonna set my heart at ease." She swooned the silent infant, singing back the tears. Memories of singing with Taletta to Hoobler and the rest of Easy flooded her unbalanced mind. "Gonna make a sentimental journey, to renew old memories."

Nixon stirred as he slightly raised his head from his makeshift pillow, "Were you singing?" He cracked open an eye, just enough to see a lone tear cascade down her cheek. "Hey, don't be crying now, Es." He came over to her and sat on the windowsill. "What's the matter?"

"I still miss Hoobler, Nix. I miss him so much, it hurts-"

"Shush… do you hear that?" Nixon put a finger up to his lips. "I hear a voice… it's singing. Hey, it sounds like Don to me. He's singing, 'Never thought my heart could be so yearny, why did I decide to roam? Gotta take that sentimental journey… I've gotta take that sentimental journey home.'"

Nixon finished singing for Hoobler's angel, his voice cracking ever so slightly at the simple word 'home'. "All of Easy Company men's homes are in your heart, Esther." He touched his hand above her chest, and then placed a light hand on Dixie's body. "All of our hearts are now in Dixie's to. I think I hear Muck and Penkala laughing joyfully about the baby too. They're all happy for you, and I know they wish you would be happy too."

"How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?" She laughed, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand.

Lew chuckled lightly, "Smile… it looks beautiful on you. That's how you respond."

She couldn't help but smile as Dixie wrapped her minute hand around her mother's pinky finger. Essie's grin pushed up her high cheekbones, and her eyes laughed in merriment. Hoobler was right. She was married to the man that held her through a war, her best friend had quit his alcoholism and she was rocking a child of her own to sleep.

"Lew… do you remember when you saved my life?"

"I did no such thing," he raised his thick, black brows.

Essie looked up to him, "Yes you did. Remember… after the jump? We all landed in the wrong DZ, and I waltzed into a group of Krauts. I caught a bullet in the thigh and somehow managed to kill the guy. I don't really recall the rest, but I do remember how as you stood by that lake, you looked like an angel. You came and took me to Doc… if you weren't there, I wouldn't be _here_. I wouldn't be holding this child in my arms and-" She choked on her words, and Lew scooped up her trembling hands.

"I don't know what I would do with myself if I hadn't been there, either. Essie, you mean a lot to me. I know you'll never be mine, and I'll never get to hold you like Floyd does. I know that as well as I know I'm lucky to be talking to you now. I don't know much, but I know you were put into Easy company for a reason… the big guy up there was looking out for all of us when you stumbled into that barrack."

Essie was sobbing quietly, careful not to wake the baby, "I love you, Lew."

"I love you too, Esther."

"Tab's coming to get me… he says I can't travel alone." She wiped away the clear drops lacing her cheeks.

"Even though you're leaving, please still talk to me? I can't bear to be separated from you. I mean, it's not like we spent five years together in the same foxhole or anything." He winked.

Essie curled her free pinky around Nix's, "I promise."

Dixie's hand was holding on to one pinky, and Lewis held the other… she had never felt so content with her life.

B.o.B.

Two days had passed quickly, filled with starry nights and days of reminiscing. Between Winters and her, there were enough stories to write a book. Lewis though, seemed to have a whole other 'perspective' of the whole ordeal. Essie suggested it might have had something to do with his good ole Vat69.

"Tab will be here soon," Essie flipped over her wrist to catch the time.

"You still address him by Tab?" Winters cocked a thin, auburn eyebrow.

She shrugged her shoulders, "That's all I called him throughout the war… I guess I'm bad at breaking habits."

Moments of steady discussion later, the wobbly door bell button was forced into the wall and the shaky tone rung through the apartment. This startled Dixie, and Essie instinctively rushed over to soothe her ruffled feathers.

"I'll get it," Dick stood, smoothing out his trousers. He had been without a change of clothes for three days… all for his favorite female paratrooper.

"Ohh! Sergeant! So good to see you!" Winters vigorously pumped his hand with Floyd, a bright beam slathered across his freckled face.

As Esther walked over to meet her husband and other daughter, Nixon quickly caught her shoulder.

"I wish you didn't have to go…"

She slowly raised her pinky, the same one they had sworn on two days earlier, "I promised, Nix. I'm going to keep it."

He wrapped his longer finger around hers once more, grinning, "Just to be sure…"

She gave him a reassuring nod before continuing her journey to her family. Inside, she prayed Lewis would know the feeling was to have a family of his own.

The newborn drawing nearer to Floyd, cradled in his wife's arms instantly stole his attention. He said absolutely nothing as he took his child from her arms. Floyd would also agree that Dixie had his eyes, but her mother's beautiful expression.

He pecked Essie's cheek, not taking his eyes from his daughter. Virginia gripped onto Tab's trousers, terrified.

"C'mere, baby girl," Esther called, kneeling down to her level.

"Mama!" She cried, falling into her open arms. "I missed you!"

Essie buried her face into the girl's soft thin hair, "Oh, I missed you too! And you better believe it!" She held Virginia a little further away, and tapped her little nose playfully. Lewis watched quietly from behind, admiring how good of a mother Essie was.

"You wanna hold Dixie?" Talbert lowered his voice down to his first daughter. She hopped down from her mother's lap and hopped up and down in excitement. "Now be _very _careful. Sit down cross-legged and hold still. Here, hold her head, and support her back… that's it. Good…" The proud parents smiled down at both of their beautiful babes, the ones Essie had dreamt about back in Hangenau.

Nixon also observed how good and patient of a father Floyd was. The corners of his lips raised, content with the picturesque scene unfolding before him. If Essie was happy, then he would be happy for her.

"Long time since I've seen you, Captain," Floyd approached his old comrade, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

"How've you been, Talbert? It's good to see you," Nixon held out a shaky hand.

"I've been doing real good, Nix. You look good yourself," he pumped his hand up and down, smiling kindly across to Lewis.

Winters was kneeling down beside Virginia, cupping his hands over her small ones, watching carefully over the two girls. Essie was smiling contently as she watched the two men she loved carry on a full conversation about everything under the sun. She had a family, she had her comrades, she had her father's and Easy's departed souls watching over her.

All… was… well.

**"Where The Story Ends"**

"_Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before  
Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor  
To forget what I've done, silhouette 'til the good Lord come_

_But this is how the story ends  
Or have we just begun  
To kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one."_

**Well, that's it. It's over… or is it?**

**Yes… that's it.**

**Review! :D**

**But, for realz… I'm rewriting THoaS…**


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